When I was young, I also thought about my life, how I could live a wonderful life, how I could be passionate about life, etc.

But after several years of social torture, mentally I feel a bit tired. Every day I watch some YouTube, try to find a job, and write code if I'm interested, day after day.

> They say China's universities are a grinding machine, talent in, scum out. When I think about it, my enthusiasm and passion for life are probably worn out by the university. More precisely, probably caused by Marx, Mao and formalism. However, on second thought, I seem to be one of the harder ones in the scum, so I can secretly be glad that I have not been so finely ground.

Today I saw shiey's video and found out that he didn't go to pick up the train, but rode his bike around the mountains instead. For the first time in nearly three years, I looked at the screen and burst out with a desire that "I want to do something like this too. This moment seems like I'm young again. But this feeling did not last long, and soon I was pulled back to reality by the anxiety of unemployment.

Saw the second video and thought the dice were so beautiful. I've been following this channel for a long time, and today I was suddenly thinking, is it possible for me to engage in a similar job? Making dice doesn't look like it requires a big investment in equipment or a big site like blacksmith and carpentry, and the product looks pretty enough to sell on the internet. Although I would like to do Java-related work, programming is also my hobby, and I like Java and Kotlin, I found that the Chinese labor market and the quality of buyers are too bad after a month of job hunting. To be honest, unless I have no choice, I definitely don't want to commit myself to do a job that is like going to the grave.

Finally, I would like to present you a song by Sumire Haruno. I don't understand the lyrics, but I really like her and her performances and songs. I hope you all can have a great day.

> Translated by deepl, modified by me.

----
Cycling Journey To The Adriatic Sea | Part 1
by shiey
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEiv2D2V_j0
----
A glowing D20 from Lake Superior
by Hedron Rockworks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2vESUP4PRA
----
黄昏に傷ついて
by 春野寿美礼
https://open.spotify.com/track/2zN8tc24qd5doEgrpNbaiy?si=9bf3b1990e914add

@skyblond I have the idea you need a hobby where you can put passion into to counter the soulcrushing from the university?

@trinsec I do have passion on programing, but not the one those enterprises need. I write posts for my blog monthly, mainly about some random stuff I did in the last month, like writing a simple read-only FUSE in Kotlin, dig into how email system prevents spam, record how I implemented a P2P chat system in Minecraft, etc. I do enjoy them, I did that for about 5 or 6 years, and I still want to keep doing that.

I generally hope I can turn my passion for programming into a job, which I don't suffer from. But based on situation, where I know the enterprise doesn't need a SpringBoot and MySQL master to build a product, and the enterprise knows that too, but they still want to hire a person who mastered those things and pay him/her an entry level salary, I don't think the job is the one I want. A Java programmer who masters the SpringBoot, database, cloud, knows how SpringBoot and MySQL work internally, knows how to design cloud-native applications, works 12 hours a day, and gets paid less than 2K USD per month? I would call it greedy.

While other people have workarounds, I don't like it. They simply repeat those Q&As and pretend to know everything about those things but in fact they rarely understood them. I think programing is about doing something and learning from it, not memory something and don't know how to use it.

@trinsec I am now considering whether to change my career to be a carpenter or making gemstone dices for a living. I like making things, but I'm usually limited by the space and resources I have.

And my Aisan parents might be highly sensitive about my decision, after I spent 4 years in the university. LOL.