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Shout out to that time a long-time friend of a friend who always had a crush on me was devastated when I called her out (and ultimately cut her off) for hitting her child.
No one is going to beat their child in public and expect to not get an ear full out of me. I dont care who you are.
@freemo Shout-out for doing the right thing, facing punishment and staying true to yourself.
And in private doesn't make it less evil!
Some people have wondered why (for instance) Sweden had so few (until recently) murders, compared to (for instance) USA. I think part of it is that "disciplining children" (by physical or mental violence) has been denounced for many generations, and illegal since (I think) the 1960s.
Good communities start by stopping violence against children.
For sure, i would call it out in private too.. In this situation she had done it in public and a bunch of people int he resteraunt gave her shit.. she came to me to complain how she was "disiplining" her kid in public and how she got in trouble.... this was when i learned she hit her kid and i lost it. I didnt see the actual abuse, she was coming to me to tell me how she was "unfairly" criticized for hitting her kid. My response was "good, they should have criticized you, your lucky thats all they did, stop beating your child"
@freemo @niclas @AmpBenzScientist Was it a beating, or a spanking?
Does it matter? The long-term trauma in the child is not so much "amount of pain", but the betrayal of the parents, who are their only source of protection, love and comfort.
@niclas @AmpBenzScientist @freemo I get that to a degree, but I’d argue that something very small like a singular, relatively gentle smack on the hand of a small child isn’t anything to be particularly worried about, depending on how and why it’s done.
A gentle smack ont he hand that doesnt inflict much pain is a non issue.. I wouldnt even call that a spanking, thats just a gesture, I'd do that with my friend if he tried to steal my food :)
@freemo @niclas @AmpBenzScientist I would too, if I had better boundaries 😂
But I think that would be a spanking in its best form, IMHO.
For me to qualify as a beating (including spanking) it needs to inflict some level of pain and suffering as a learning tactic.. if its just physical contact but doesnt raise to the status of "pain" then i wouldnt say it qualifies.
@freemo @niclas @AmpBenzScientist What would be some good alternatives to spankings for younger children? I’d be more apt to condemn all spanking if I knew of some good alternatives.
@realcaseyrollins Depends on the age and the style of parenting.
My personal choice would be to take away privilages.. whether its TV time, or desert or something. Largely because I think that teaches the best real world lesson... people wont (and shouldnt) punch you in the face int eh real world, but they may stop doing your favors or helping you out.
Of course then you also have "time out", sending them to their room, hell just talking to them can go a long way. If you treat kids rationally and logically from a young age they are quite capable of reasoning from when they first aquire language skills. The reason most kids cant is because they arent treated as such for many years, so they never learn to reason and discuss. you can get 98% of the way there just talking to your kids respectfully and firmly from a young age.
@freemo This makes a lot of sense 👍🏾 I guess this is what they call “getting grounded”?
My primary concern would be with a punishment where their compliance would be necessary, such as a time out. I mean, you could lock them in their room…but that just sounds so wrong to do.
@realcaseyrollins Tahts why for me personally I'd stick with punishments that involve me taking something away that I give them. Maybe its desert, maybe its access to TV, depends on what they enjoy...
If i am a good parent then I should be someone who provides all sorts of things for my child to support their happiness, things that can be taken away too. If taking away what I give my child isnt enough of a punishment then maybe im not a great parent to begin with and need to reconsider what **I** do.
I know as a kid for me computer and internet was important. All my mom would have had to do was turn off the electricity or the internet and it would have been a pretty impactful punishment.
@niclas it depends a lot on how you raise them when their younger.
I see a lot of parents fail at those tactics, but its usually parents trying to improve their parenting once the kid is pre-teen when its far too late, dynamics are already established.
Friends often said "We can't do like that. Your child is so nice and sweet. We need to discipline ours...", not understanding/seeing the direct line that "nice and sweet" comes from being nice and sweet to the kids.
@freemo
As a not-perfect father, I tried to combine the "disconnect Internet" with rewards for good behavior and explaining it clearly.
"Daddy, I want to play..."
"Ok, have you done X, Y and Z?"
"Uhhhhh....."
"When you have done that, you can play until 8 o'clock"
or
"No, not today, because you did X, and that is not good. So no play until tomorrow, IF you behave better..."
Worked to a large degree and didn't need to resort to "pain". His mum yelled a lot.
@realcaseyrollins