I want to apologize to the whole #fediverse community, sincerely, for my recent behaviors over the last 4 months.

If i have been rude or even short tempered with any of you my apologies you likely did not deserve it. Read on if you’d like to know the story and you can decide if I should be forgiven or not.

I know several months ago I made a similar apology, and this may fall on deaf ears, but I hope some of you will hear me out.

First off my last apology came at the face of an Israeli mob death threat on both me and my family. That added a lot of stress at the time and certainly led to me being a bit rude with some people, not an excuse but I do want to rehash it a bit for context. Many of you have noticed since then I do not go out without an open-carry weapon on my hip, this is why.

That said that is not the source of this apology but it is loose related.

I have been dealing with some health issues that, while not life threatening they have severely limited me in some ways. Specifically a very severe sleep disorder. The sleep disorder, and a brain fog that made it very hard for me to think and function normally. In and of itself these werent the root cause, there were underlying issues. But my attempt to treat the symptoms (since the underlying causes we unknown) actually led to a worsening of symptoms long term despite providing some help in the short term. I will explain.

Most of my life I had ADHD as a diagnosis, but it had never been a hindrance to me, in fact I saw it as something that improved my intellectual abilities overall. However this diagnosis allowed me to receive an adderall prescription to try to address the sleep disorder and brain fog, not to treat the ADHD directly, which I have been on for about the last 4 months. It was a low dose (20mg once a day in the morning to wake up). At first it addressed my symptoms with amazing results, but over time it led to a cure to my sleep issue but the brain fog got much much worse. In addition to that my irritability when interacting with people was worse and I have been quite dis-tempered with some of you, and I am deeply sorry for that if this describes you. It certainly continued to cure the sleep issue however and since normal sleep is needed for me to do my work i felt i needed to continue.

Recently however I decided to take matters into my own hands and stop relying on doctors. Instead I got labs through shady means to test for things doctors were dismissive of and wouldnt in the past let me get authorization to have tested. Namely my testosterone levels, thyroid hormone levels, and various blood sugar indicators. These tests revealed three underlying issues: 1) A severely low T-level (so low the tests couldn’t even register trace amounts) 2) An extremely high Thyroid-stimulating hormone, 3x above the maximum normal range 3) metabolic disorder causing blood sugar and insulin irregularities (which likewise led to extreme runaway hunger).

At this point I found a doctor who was finally willing to listen to me, armed with a mountain of ill gotten blood tests and managed to convince her to test me properly for verification and finally treat my underlying diseases.

As of about a week ago I started treatment for my underlying diseases, needing to take injections of about 3 drugs, soon to be 4. Knowing that the root cause could finally be addressed I figured around the same time last week I could quit both the adderall and the sleeping medication entirely. Now that the underlying treatments are starting to work, and the old treatments out of my system I feel the best I’ve felt in years. I already lost 16 lbs, my brain fog has mostly evaporated, and while my sleep is still recovering it was quite improved last night… So while i have a ways to go to be 100% I am already back to my old self, how I used to be before the brain fog began. and certainly doing better than I was doing even 6 months ago.

I will do my best, going forward to treat you all with the respect and due consideration you deserve. Again my apologies.