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**I want to apologize to the whole #fediverse community, sincerely, for my recent behaviors over the last 4 months.**
If i have been rude or even short tempered with any of you my apologies you likely did not deserve it. Read on if you'd like to know the story and you can decide if I should be forgiven or not.
I know several months ago I made a similar apology, and this may fall on deaf ears, but I hope some of you will hear me out.
First off my last apology came at the face of an Israeli mob death threat on both me and my family. That added a lot of stress at the time and certainly led to me being a bit rude with some people, not an excuse but I do want to rehash it a bit for context. Many of you have noticed since then I do not go out without an open-carry weapon on my hip, this is why.
That said that is not the source of this apology but it is loose related.
I have been dealing with some health issues that, while not life threatening they have severely limited me in some ways. Specifically a very severe sleep disorder. The sleep disorder, and a brain fog that made it very hard for me to think and function normally. In and of itself these werent the root cause, there were underlying issues. But my attempt to treat the symptoms (since the underlying causes we unknown) actually led to a worsening of symptoms long term despite providing some help in the short term. I will explain.
Most of my life I had ADHD as a diagnosis, but it had never been a hindrance to me, in fact I saw it as something that improved my intellectual abilities overall. However this diagnosis allowed me to receive an adderall prescription to try to address the sleep disorder and brain fog, not to treat the ADHD directly, which I have been on for about the last 4 months. It was a low dose (20mg once a day in the morning to wake up). At first it addressed my symptoms with amazing results, but over time it led to a cure to my sleep issue but the brain fog got much much worse. In addition to that my irritability when interacting with people was worse and I have been quite dis-tempered with some of you, and I am deeply sorry for that if this describes you. It certainly continued to cure the sleep issue however and since normal sleep is needed for me to do my work i felt i needed to continue.
Recently however I decided to take matters into my own hands and stop relying on doctors. Instead I got labs through shady means to test for things doctors were dismissive of and wouldnt in the past let me get authorization to have tested. Namely my testosterone levels, thyroid hormone levels, and various blood sugar indicators. These tests revealed three underlying issues: 1) A severely low T-level (so low the tests couldn't even register trace amounts) 2) An extremely high Thyroid-stimulating hormone, 3x above the maximum normal range 3) metabolic disorder causing blood sugar and insulin irregularities (which likewise led to extreme runaway hunger).
At this point I found a doctor who was finally willing to listen to me, armed with a mountain of ill gotten blood tests and managed to convince her to test me properly for verification and finally treat my underlying diseases.
As of about a week ago I started treatment for my underlying diseases, needing to take injections of about 3 drugs, soon to be 4. Knowing that the root cause could finally be addressed I figured around the same time last week I could quit both the adderall and the sleeping medication entirely. Now that the underlying treatments are starting to work, and the old treatments out of my system I feel the best I've felt in years. I already lost 16 lbs, my brain fog has mostly evaporated, and while my sleep is still recovering it was quite improved last night... So while i have a ways to go to be 100% I am already back to my old self, how I used to be before the brain fog began. and certainly doing better than I was doing even 6 months ago.
I will do my best, going forward to treat you all with the respect and due consideration you deserve. Again my apologies.
@sergeant Low-T was the bulk of my problem. It wasnt the main factor for weight and hunger, for that i needed semaglutide. But everything not related to hunger and weight is 100% the low-T I think.
That said low-T was effecting weight as a minor factor. While the combination of T + S is showing much better results than either of these would do alone.
Thanks though, and I agree, the medical world has a ways to go yet not just on this but in so many areas... for as far as we have come with medicine we still only have one foot out of the dark ages.
@VoxDei Thanks I appreciate that.
Most of the QOTO crowd are always quite nice, so its never been a problem. Largely the issue was with others i am less familiar who might have been "pushing it" but otherwise not deserving of an outlash.
+bonifartius 𒂼𒄄
@freemo that is quite a post! very nice that you found a doctor who is willing to listen to you and to do an appropriate treatment :)
fwiw, i don't think your posts were especially rude. being direct isn't necessarily a bad thing after all!
Hang in there. You definitely do not want to be cycling with uppers and downers. You will not get good sleep and you do not want to tax your liver because your liver has to work well when you sleep.
Your liver is what re-charges your brain to prepare for the next day, so no surprise you were dealing with the brain fog.
@SpaceLifeForm Zolpidem isnt a classical downer and has no liver toxicity interaction with adderall. They are modified anxialytics. While they do tend to slow down heart rate it is not through the same effect as downers so they mix just fine.
That said, without a true solution to the underlying cause (which i now have) they really were the only solution keeping me functioning to any degree. So while they certainly were an evil, they were a neccesary one at the time.
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I actually feel amazing as of today, best i can ever remember feeling.
When you wake up and realize you were dreaming, that is a good sign.
Thanks for sharing. It's interesting + Use me as your wingman / let me do stuff ! [let's do a small audio chat just to say hi]
@freemo Thanks for sharing. It's interesting.
I almost don't want to offer help but it's in my nature (I'm aware offering can just occupy time or your real needs)...
but I can hop into a Jitsi chat 🎤 almost anytime... probably to give you a contrast or temporary different scenery more than any correct way (so you work it out using someone dumber and seeing 'not that' which I don't mind being the one serving!)
More thought maybe by you needed on what's healthy / needed but I think you should really trust me and time is passing too. Time is now sir and sharing the load is more fun! I'd love to do it all myself if we can iterate and find some things- I have such a good opportunity now... and you can get your word out through me to help what you need...
I'm conscious too much text chat sometimes so audio can be therapy and outlet.
Anyway love you to my man in the most neutral sense / respect / love for freedom etc. hehe
Was just snowing but now it's sunny 🌄 :)
Thanks for sharing. It's interesting + Use me as your wingman / let me do stuff ! [let's do a small audio chat just to say hi]
@freeschool I appreciat ethe offer but at the moment the mystery is over, not much advice needed. A few months ago or even weeks sure.
@freemo Ok just the 'let me do stuff part' then... :)
@freemo people go through hard times and I am sorry for yours. I generally respect you and your position even if we do not agree, I have appreciated the debates we have had over the years.
@twotwenty thank you, i feel the same.
@freemo You haven't been short tempered with me that I recall, but just to say sorry you've had all that and glad you're (from the sound of it) on the right track now