mandlebro @mandlebro@qoto.org

One other detail, before I lose it: The people called the bees something like "Shelby's bee". I think my brain was making an oblique allusion to Langston's ant.

I have a lot of dreams that end when a bug lands on me and I freak out.

That was wild.

I just dreamed that I was in a rural A frame church on a field. I was an imposter in the church but the other people there did not know that. The church had two rooms, a small entry area and then the main chapel. In the small entry area there was an elaborate font of holy water. It was a large, round thing made out of colored marble. It had a round standing area with a narrow stem in the middle that supported a bowl at about waste height. The bowl ridges in it, like an ear, and some sort of object I can't remember but was some sort of focal point of attention. When I stood on it, I felt a heartbeat. People were praying to it for favors with a mildly concerned tone. While I was standing on it black water started filling the bowl. I felt it was because it detected I was an imposter. I stepped away from and the people in the church started to panic. A strange, black smoky tendril appeared in the church and started weaving in between the people. I fled but looked back when I heard screams. There was a swarm of bees over the people in the chapel and the bees would group together into larger bees and then swoop down on people. If they struck a persons head that persons head would explode into more bees. I ran away with a crowd of people and at first it was manic and many people got bee exploded, but then we got further and it wasn't to bad. There were some people playing soccer that started to run with us while laughing. Then we got to a garden and the garden had bees. These bees were just normal bees though and one got stuck in my shirt collar which caused me to freak out and wake up.

I can't get over how detailed and interesting they made the environments, especially compared to Half Life 2. It's really staggering.

Just finished G-string. What a game. Has some of the best environmental design I've ever seen in a game and has one of the most realistic feeling and desperate depictions of a cyber punk future that I've seen across all media.

"The magic and the most powerful effect of women is, in philosophical language, actions at a distance, *actio in distans;* but this requires first and above all--*distance.*" – Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science
😆

This really feels like it might be the core of a lot of post-industrial mental illness.

"*The craving for suffering* - When I think of the craving to do something, which continually tickles and spurs those millions of young Europeans who cannot endure their boredom and themselves, then I realize that they must have a craving to suffer and to find in their suffering a probable reason for actions for deeds. Neediness is needed! Hence the politicians' clamor, hence the many false, fictitious, exaggerated 'conditions of distress' of all sorts of classes and the blind readiness to believe in them. These young people demand that--not happiness but unhappiness should approach *from the outside* and become visible; and their imagination is busy in advance to turn it into a monster so that afterward they can fight a monster. If these people who crave distress felt the strength inside themselves to benefit themselves and to do something for themselves internally, then they would also know how to create for themselves, internally, their very own authentic distresses. Then their inventions might be more refined and their satisfactions might sound like good music, while at present they fill the world with their clamor about distresses and all too often introduce into it the *filling of distress.* They do not know what to do with themselves--and therefore paint the distress of others on the wall; they always need others! And continually other others! --Pardon me, my friends, I have ventured to paint my *happiness* on the wall." -- Friedrich Nietzsche, *The Gay Science*

Daylight savings time was first implemented in Canada. Finally, an objective reason to hate them.

I had a dream where I filled my living room with water and started running a nuclear reactor in it, but the water kept causing my computer to short so I shut it off, which caused the reactor to go critical and irradiate me and my roommate.

I saw an owl on my morning run today. I bet you're jealous.