天空вℓσи∂ @skyblond@qoto.org

@trinsec Good to know that. I think here in China, fireworks still have a pretty strong relationship with the lunar new year and celebrating stuff. For urban areas, it's allowed only during the lunar new year, which is about 15 days. However in Beijing and some other places, the fireworks has been banned all year around, so it's pretty boring. Usually we expected to do something unique and different during the new year, when I was young (before Beijing bans them), fireworks are the different thing.

For the animals, well, unfortunately, sorry for them.

That's it. Today is the Lantern Festival, which is also the last day of Chinese Lunar New Year.

Tonight feels like a warzone (sorry for who really in a warzone). It has been years since the last time I heard the sounds of fireworks. Shame on the government for banning fireworks.

Zhajiang (fried sauce), the black/brown thing in the bowl doesn't look nice, but I guarantee you it tastes great.

Combined with noodles, you get Zhajiangmian (noodles with fried sauce), along with all the other ingredients, it's really good. I love my cooking skills.

Good lord, Israel and US launched a war with Iran when I was cooking? What have I missed?

@trinsec From another perspective, I think it follows the same old pattern: I did something related to my home/parent, then I feel down.

Should put this into my todo list and figure out later.

@trinsec Thanks. I think you're right. I'm emotionally felt better after waking up (but still feel like shit since I was sleeping at around 3AM in the last few days).

Overall I think I'm good/ok. In the last week I went home for spring festival and had to spend sometime with those people who I only met once per year. They are not all bad but most of them are just annoying. So I don't really like this holiday since I have to spend time and energy on such things.

But that's not a problem as now I have returned to my place. Recently I was reading a lot on my Kindle, mostly ranobe (Japanese light novel, don't know why it's light, but to me, still books). I like what I read, I like how the character grows and eventually reaches their happy ending. But then I start thinking the life, how one should live in the world, then thinking about myself. Usually this is the most trouble making part, and I figured out that I don't know what I'm going to live. I have no plan, no goals, just doing random things at will when I have the time, passion and the energy.

I know this, since that's how I have been living in the past 3 or 5 years. But recently I somehow just realized I'm growing (yeah, don't know why I'm keeping ignoring this). I'm no longer 18, and I will be 60 or even 80 in the future. I can't do things for 80 when I was 18, and I can't also do things for 18 when I'm 80. As I was reading those stories, those characters are making choices at the right timing, since I'm the reader, I know they are doing right or wrong things. But irl, you can never tell if a decision is good or bad. It feels like you're walking on solid ground, but then realize you're actually walking on a tightrope high above ground with no safe belt.

So, with all those above stuck in my head, with the tiredness, I think that's why. But I'm still surprised /scared by the thought of not keeping living. This feels so natural that it doesn't trigger any alarm. For example, if I'm about to kill someone on the street, my instinct will tell me this is wrong. Luckily, a moment later I realize this is not correct, but now I think I understand why depression will make people suicide.

I guess that's something new to know? :)

But fuck it, I'm gonna end my 25th year on this planet on next month, then start my 26th year.

I might not do anything big and good, but I'm certainly actively enjoying myself doing shit stuff to revenge this society for bringing me here without any of my consent 25 years ago.

I can't imagine how I'm gonna live to 50 with my mental health being totally shit.

I think I might understand why depression can be deadly.

It started with the thought of the Spring Festival holiday ending soon and having to go back to work, which made me a little sad. Then I realized I hadn't done anything meaningful during the holiday, which made me even more unhappy.

A friend said they wanted to eat noodles (the one with soybean paste, a traditional dish from Beijing) tomorrow, but I couldn't find suitable noodles in Yunnan. The ones sold in supermarkets didn't meet my requirements, so I decided to make them myself. Since it's for tomorrow, I tried a new recipe today, attempting to extend the shelf life by reducing the dough's water content. But lower water content (33%) means the dough will be stiff. I have a Schneider mixer with a pasta attachment, but it seems like I broke it today, probably due to the stiff dough. So, it took me over five hours to make just 1 kg of raw noodles (which, if I was in Beijing, I can just bought it for like 3 USD with 15 minutes walk from my home to the store, round trip). After that, I spent another hour cleaning the kitchen.

Then I felt exhausted, and the broken mixer attachment made me feel frustrated. Just then, a thought suddenly popped into my head: I'm so tired, I don't want to live anymore. It just popped into my head so naturally that there is no alarm about it. Looking back, I think I was basically not looking forward to living. I wasn't looking forward to my friends coming home for noodles tomorrow, nor was I looking forward to resting tonight. If someone had suddenly broken into my place and said he was going to kill me, I probably would have said "ok, just do it".

Of course, soon another part of my brain started screaming that this is not correct, and only then I suddenly realized what terrible things I was just thinking about.

Well, I certainly know there is something wrong with my mental health. But I'm not daring to investigate it (for now).

I bought a stationary bike and found it much more tiring than riding a real bicycle. A regular bicycle can go downhill for 500 meters with ease, while the stationary bike can't glide at all.

Hopefully I can lose some weight with this. Yesterday I talked to the doctor about the pain in my right knee. The doctor said there is nothing wrong with the knee (for now), just me being overweight and my knee is not happy about that. If I don't start losing weight immediately, there will be serious issues with knee in the foreseeable future.

Luckily no one uses my shit I created as side projects (hopefully)

----
The Internet Was Weeks Away From Disaster and No One Knew
by Veritasium
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoag03mSuXQ

Now I'm using MeshCore, which is much much better than meshtastic.

Humanity won't have any hope as long as they are still using python.

I hate python.

You are being misled about renewable energy technology.
by Technology Connections
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtQ9nt2ZeGM

I really hate people or LLM talking to me like this. It sounds either obsequious or sarcastic.

Me, feeding in a section of a novel written by Hitomi Iruma, which is not age-limited (not R18, not R15, but for all ages).

Gemini: **PROHIBITED_CONTENT**

I should know that the tech world is going worse when they force everyone to rename master branch to main.

@freeschool Hi, thanks for ping me. I think right now freemo and his team don't have the capacity/bandwidth to handle this right now? I don't know about the details, but I do know qoto is running a customized version of mastodon, which may or may not cause some bug on certain features, in this case, it might be the account exporting. There is one attempt trying to upgrade the version before, but nobody in the team is a Ruby expert so it might cause several bugs. Sometimes I also saw sync/notification issues between qoto and my self hosted instance.

And yes, I'm less active recently (recent 1 or 2 years), but mostly because I got a job and don't have much time for my personal projects, so not much to share. And I'm not a native English speaker so when I want to share something after work, at when I'm exhausted, I tend to post Chinese content on my alt account (@skyblond@m.skyblond.info)

But still, I don't have a plan to leave qoto, since it's a big platform, compared to my self hosted one. The timeline is much active. However, I also don't want to see qoto to fall, but I'm not a Ruby specialist and don't know how to solve it, and I don't have enough bandwidth for it at the beginning. So... I don't know, actually.

(And yes, I just saw this message, I don't know if that's the notification issue or just my samsung phone killing the background of mastodon app)

Don't be python, just use proper semantic versioning.