A few weeks ago there was a young woman on the bus, she was crying and clearly upset, clutching her phone. At one time, she would have been asked if she was OK. As men we are now to terrified to get involved, so I simply ignored her, perhaps she was really upset, wanted help, or it was an act to catch out unsuspecting MEN so she could make some sort of false alegation, who knows.
Is this the society people want or do they want a more caring society, where people can ask if you are OK because they actually care or are concerned.
Next time I see a person (esp female) in distress, I will ignore them.
With respect, I think a lot of men know that we shouldn't make comments about women's breasts, but still feel unsure what compliments are okay to make. This does not make us creeps or bad people—we are just socially awkward. It's unkind to imply otherwise.
My rule is that I just never compliment a woman on her appearance. At all. Unless it's my wife, of course.
This is not out of resentment—it just doesn't feel safe to ever say anything about a woman's appearance.
Meanwhile the man who puts the podium up out side No 10 downing street when the PM is going to make an announcement is described as a 'hunk' as is the equerry for the monarch, as are others surely this is also SEXIST, as surely in the interest of equality this should work BOTH ways.
Granted this is the daily fail, as they also seem to focus on describing a female tennis player as 'hot' but hot in a sexual meaning (or I interpret that) rather than hot as in a potentially or a upcoming great player. You can tell as they are more focused on that players figure, rather than simply their playing ability.
@abhayakara @zleap @efi
Funny one comment about how I feel about men judging me - and off we go with more comments than usually ;)
seems to really trigger cis men
@petpet @zleap @efi Actually you made an unkind comment about someone, and now you’ve made another. You may have done it as a way to express how you feel, but if so that was subtext and not text. I totally relate to your discomfort with being judged. We’ve all been there. We all do it to ourselves, too. :(
@abhayakara @zleap @efi
Its not unkind to express discomfort based on experience and own emotions referring to this kind of "dude" behavior. I would rather say its unkind to judge the one who you talk about (aka female read people) and if the object begins to speak to disrespect the persons feelings and judge them as unkind. A lot of "dudes" are just not good at respecting female feelings but very professional at mansplaining, saying this is not unkind but a female persons daily experience.
Your comment to which I replied included an explicit statement about the person you were replying to. You didn't express any emotion at all in literal words, although I don't doubt you felt some emotion. Please go back and read what you wrote. It is an explicitly critical and unkind remark about the person to whom you were replying. Your reply to me was also critical and unkind.
I don't think it's valid to criticize someone for being triggered when you say something unkind to them.
Just to be clear, I'm not proposing that you apologize or even admit that you're wrong. I'm just telling you what I am seeing. I don't see another way to interpret what you wrote. I don't want you to feel bad about it—I just want you to notice what you wrote and maybe consider whether there could be a better approach.
@abhayakara
I stop the argument at this point.
You are insisting on me to accept your point of view - I feel that this is dominant- and I refuse to do so.
I am just saying what I feel, not saying everybody should agree.
Its a normal everyday experience for me as a female person I am reflecting here and I am used to it. But I also stop the discourse at the point where I feel I want to. Period.
@petpet Just read what you wrote. Stop replying. I don’t care what your rationalization is for being unkind. I’m just encouraging you to stop. Dom/sub is a dualistic trap. Free yourself.
@zleap If you see a person who may be hurting, and your first thought is fear that it's a trap, that's an issue with you more than society.
@efi