Government Accidentally Shuts Itself Down With Ban On Non-Essential Businesses

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Congress has asked all non-essential businesses to limit their hours or close entirely for an undetermined amount of time.But this shutdown mistakenly shut down the most non-essential entity of all: the government. For a brief period of time, all government in the United States was illegal, since it is completely non-essential to everyth …

babylonbee.com/news/government

Now wait a minute... "The new figure now includes people who tested positive for COVID-19 and those who have symptoms and were in close contact with someone who tested positive."

So now in we're including people as positive who haven't tested at positive. Anyone with flu symptoms who was on contact with someone with the is now included in this stat. Is everyone doing this? Or is there some need in Colorado to inflate the numbers?

'Joe Is The Best Choice For Our Nation,' Chants Tulsi After DNC Completes Assimilation Process

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The DNC Collective has assimilated yet another species, the Borg King Joe Biden proudly announced Thursday morning.Species 10027, Tulsi Gabbard, was successfully injected with nanoprobes and assimilated into the Borg's campaign, according to Biden's statement. Gabbard quickly lost all principles and independent thought and...

babylonbee.com/news/joe-biden-

"I think it's a very nasty question and I think its a very bad signal that you're putting out to the American people. The American people are looking for answers and they're looking for hope and you're doing sensationalism and the same with NBC and Comcast. ... That's really bad reporting. And you ought to get back to reporting instead of sensationalism. Let's see if it works. It might and it might not. I happen to feel good about it, but who knows. I've been right a lot. Let's see what happens. "

pjmedia.com/trending/trumps-sl

Yeah, this didn't help... Article starts with a timeline of what congress and the president did during the beginning of

Pollak: Democrats Pushed Impeachment While Coronavirus Spread

The timeline of the two developments -- impeachment and coronavirus -- is shocking, and reveals the true cost of hyper-partisanship.

"To the extent that they commented on coronavirus at all, it was only to tear up the president’s remarks or to call him a racist."

breitbart.com/politics/2020/03

Obama Announces He Is No Longer Responsible For The Economy

MARTHA'S VINEYARD, MA—From his seaside mansion, former president Barack Obama announced today that he is formally passing ownership of the stock market and economy on to President Trump."All the gains were mine -- Trump didn't build that -- but this crash is all on Trump," Obama said as he admired the ocean, which will consume his home …

babylonbee.com/news/obama-walk

Hillary Clinton Says Epstein Assassination Was To 'Manage Anxiety'

CHAPPAQUA, NY In a recent interview from her wine cellar this week, Hillary Clinton revealed some of her favorite methods for dealing with stress. "Being the president is an extremely stressful job," she told reporters. "Since I am the president, I have to deal with anxiety on a regular basis. One way to calm my nerves is with a...

babylonbee.com/news/hillary-cl

First Colorado primary (we were Caucus state until now), in a state with early mail in ballots for all registered voters, first time with an open primary as well. What could go wrong? How about : your vote doesn't count depending on just how the candidate technically suspended their campaign.

results.enr.clarityelections.c

This is new : SMS messaging from a campaign volunteer. This one is from Warren's campaign.

Socialism is not compassion. Capitalism is not compassion. Compassion is compassion.

Fact-Check: Obama Waited Until 'Millions' Infected and 1000 Dead in U.S. Before Declaring H1N1 Emergency

"Let's call it Trumpvirus," urged a New York Times opinion writer conspiratorially. Nancy Pelosi groused that President Trump waited too long to attack the coronavirus (COVID-19) and then impetuously declared he couldn't have leftover and unspent Ebola virus money to fight it, while Senator Chuck...

... Now, let's go to the Wayback Machine. In April of 2009, the H1N1 became a pandemic.
But it wasn't until six months later, October, that then-President Obama declared a public health emergency on what was already a pandemic. By that time, the disease had infected millions of Americans and more than 1,000 people had died in the U.S.

pjmedia.com/trending/fact-chec

Opinion: Is The Most Prosperous Era In Human History A Good Time To Have Kids?

People are always uncertain what kind of world they would be bringing any potential children into, and as we look at the current era, with its boundless prosperity and opportunity unlike mankind has ever seen, people are just not certain that now is a good time to have kids.Smartphones. The internet. Netflix. These are things kids would distract us from. In pr …

babylonbee.com/news/opinion-is

Gallup: has positive approval rating for 1st time in his presidency

President Trump's approval ratings were positive for the first time in his presidency, Gallup announced on Thursday, a positive sign for the contentious chief executive going into the election season.

disrn.com/news/gallup-poll-tru

NHS staff can refuse to treat racist or sexist patients under new rules

The NHS will soon bar discriminatory patients from non-critical care - powers that currently only cover aggression or violence.

news.sky.com/story/nhs-staff-c

"It's what you're reading that matters...not the speed with which you're getting truth it. Reading is supposed to be about an encounter with other minds... Americans have enough encouragements to narcissism ; let's try to do without this one." (full quote in attached photo)

On from The Pleasures of Reading in an Age of Distraction about bkkeepr, also applies to Goodreads and other alternatives.

The U.S. was the world leader in CO2 reduction in 2019

The United States led the world in CO2 reductions during 2019, a feat it managed to pull off while still experiencing solid economic growth, according to a new report.

disrn.com/news/the-us-was-the-

Kentucky company releases "Politics Scented Candle" made from real horse manure

A small Kentucky company has released a "Politics Scented Candle" made from real horse manure.

disrn.com/news/kentucky-compan

Scientist Claims that Earth Is ‘Unique’ to Other Planets to Host Life

Peter Ward, a geologist and evolutionary biologist, said it is very unlikely that any planet will be able to hold life apart from ours because of the number of geological and biological complexities.

sputniknews.com/science/202002

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