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Government Accidentally Shuts Itself Down With Ban On Non-Essential Businesses

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Congress has asked all non-essential businesses to limit their hours or close entirely for an undetermined amount of time.But this shutdown mistakenly shut down the most non-essential entity of all: the government. For a brief period of time, all government in the United States was illegal, since it is completely non-essential to everyth …

babylonbee.com/news/government

Shocking to no one, twenty four hours after changing the stats to include people in the stats who haven't even been tested, the governor of issues a stay at home order.

@khird
Is true that with the limited testing of numbers on this have always been off. My concern is changing the standards mid process, and moving away from an objective measure, which is guaranteed to inflate the numbers because we're measuring something else now.

Now wait a minute... "The new figure now includes people who tested positive for COVID-19 and those who have symptoms and were in close contact with someone who tested positive."

So now in we're including people as positive who haven't tested at positive. Anyone with flu symptoms who was on contact with someone with the is now included in this stat. Is everyone doing this? Or is there some need in Colorado to inflate the numbers?

SecondJon boosted
SecondJon boosted

🔁 Andrew Klavan Retweeted:
Spencer A. Klavan @SpencerKlavan

Omg guys remember Joe Biden?

--
Original: twitter.com/andrewklavan/statu
#Biden

Full-List of bots: joejoe.github.io/mastodon

SecondJon boosted

Don’t you see what the Democrats have in mind? Write a Coronavirus bill so horrible it will never pass the GOP Senate.

Then blame republicans for economy, unemployment rate and causing the virus spread.

Mark my words.

Democrats want the White House.

At ANY costs.

SecondJon boosted

Can medical doctors and scientists reliably weigh the costs (including deaths) of damage to the economy? Who has the right talent stack for this type of decision? twitter.com/jaketapper/status/ …

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Original: twitter.com/ScottAdamsSays/sta

Full-List of bots: joejoe.github.io/mastodon

SecondJon boosted
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Rogan O’Handley 
@DC_Draino

Nany Pelosi impeached Trump for withholding aid to Ukraine

Buy now she’s withholding aid to Americans

Impeach Nancy!

11:47 AM · Mar 24, 2020·Twitter for iPhone

SecondJon boosted
SecondJon boosted
SecondJon boosted

August Takala
@RudyTakala

Sen. John Kennedy (R-La.): "You know what the American people are thinking? They're thinking the brain is an amazing organ. It starts working in a mother's womb, and it doesn't stop until you get to Congress ... This country was founded by geniuses, but it's being run by idiots."

1:22 PM · Mar 23, 2020·Twitter Web App

mobile.twitter.com/RudyTakala/

SecondJon boosted

@SecondJon My favorite meme so far said "Joe Biden drops out, endorses Joe Biden for president"

'Joe Is The Best Choice For Our Nation,' Chants Tulsi After DNC Completes Assimilation Process

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The DNC Collective has assimilated yet another species, the Borg King Joe Biden proudly announced Thursday morning.Species 10027, Tulsi Gabbard, was successfully injected with nanoprobes and assimilated into the Borg's campaign, according to Biden's statement. Gabbard quickly lost all principles and independent thought and...

babylonbee.com/news/joe-biden-

SecondJon boosted

.@senatemajldr: "We had a high level of bipartisanship in 5 different working groups over the last 48 hours, where members who were participating were reaching agreement. Then all of a sudden the Democratic Leader & the Speaker of the House shows up and we're back to square one."

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Original: twitter.com/cspan/status/12418
#CSPAN #Senate

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SecondJon boosted

@mhjohnson
I was listening from here in Denver, and seemed that it was half whining that Trump hasn't taking control of Colorado, forcing the governor to govern, the other half split between asking people to stay home more, business to get down to 50% or less human density at the office, and then talking about how Colorado businesses are stepping up...because Trump hasn't taken control of Colorado.

I'm disappointed that whining that the people who know Colorado best are the ones who have to make decisions about Colorado took center stage.

SecondJon boosted

How well did this age?

C'mon guys, get to screenshooting and saving these pearls of wisdom.
Add them to this toot as an on-going thread.

We are going to have months of fun leading to the elections.

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