grief and loss
We put my dog to sleep yesterday afternoon. She was a 15 year old labrador named Abby. I love her, and I tried to make sure she knew that, every day. On one one hand, I'm glad that she is released from her pain, as she was arthritic and had cancer, but on the other hand it rips me apart. Goodbye, Abby. I will always love you. I am so happy that you are at peace in Heaven.
Really stressed about this phone interview tomorrow. Particularly with the “excellent communication skills” and “excellent teamwork” requirement. The tech skills, however, are fairly low: Java, jelly script, html. I’m nonetheless not sure I know how to “design conceptual and working models to ensure consistency in architecture and design/code practice”
@RecursiveRabbit @Siphonay I'm paraphrasing this, but
Capitalism: Under communism and socialism you can't own anything
Also Capitalism: Our stuff is only available through subscription lol
Anyways, I’m training for the deli starting 8 am tomorrow. I’ll be just as lost as when I started register, but I’ll slowly and painfully improve through lots of little moments of “oh god what do I do in this situation, focus”
Perhaps it’s too early too say that it’s all about getting out of the comfort zone, but even if it isn’t, I feel like that trivializes the effort. It sucks. The anxious feeling grows infinitely as time tends toward the moment.
People really color the experience. It’s drab at best and drudge at worst, and yet just being real and existing is enough. I don’t care if you’re the most unimpressive mf in the world. It’s better then being alone with images that tell you to hate yourself and everyone else.
@togs so that was a thing. Not bad. Local small grocery. Lucky to have it tbh (I could be working at Walmart). Delivered groceries to elders, then worked register for first time ever. That made me feel dumb. I was also visibly uncomfortable at points. Exposure therapy. Half the point of this is to a) have a job and b) get some social skills. doing uncomfortable things is never easy and mistakes will happen and it will hurt, but that’s how we grow I guess. Fall down n, get up n+1
@fakemaxkeeble its wild because advertising is a means of inducing demand, so producers know that they are attempting to influence people to buy things while at the same time shaming them for doing so. its such a wacky contradiction
Looking good, feeling bad part 2 featuring a scarf from a friend
(selfie, eye contact, boosts good)
Do you want share files in a secure and private way?
Use Onionshare https://onionshare.org/
Please boost.
24
he/him
software dev, looking for work atm
I'm a bit pathetic and have no self-confidence😅
Hardwork, what is that? I have random spurts of motivation. Often times I have no idea what the person talking to me is saying, and I imagine that the speaker knows too well by the expression on my face.
For some reason I decided to acquire a CS degree even though I've never been especially talented at math, and I tend to struggle with its many abstractions: "From this proposition, it follows that...yes, to YOU, perhaps...".
I once spent 8 hours on a saturday writing a Pong clone with C++/allegro. It was the first time I found a meaningful way to apply the math I learned: If the ball is a circle and the paddle is rectangle, I need to determine where the edge of the ball intersects with the edge of the paddle, which is...the tangent line? That's neat!
I still don't know what to do with calculus: Integration by trignometric substitution...great. Perhaps I haven't been creative enough.
I've spent some time reading books that interest me, some of which are:
"E Unibus Pluram: Television and U.S. Fiction" by D. F. Wallace
"This is Water" by D. F. Wallace
"Paul's Case" by Willa Cather
"The Shock Doctrine" by Naomi Klein
"How to Read a Book" by Adler and van Doren
"Brave New World" by A. Huxley
"Amusing Ourselves to Death" by N. Postman
"Thus Spoke Zarathustra" by Nietzsche
"The Societ of the Spectacle" by G. Debord
"One Dimensional Man" by H. Marcuse
"Postmodernism" by F. Jameson
"A People's History of the United States" by H. Zinn
"Capitalist Realism" by M. Fisher
"Custom Reality and You" by P. Coffin
In terms of music, I mostly listen to whatever local bands my friends listen to. I've never been to a concert but I've been to a few local shows. Some bands I've listened to are: Hop Along, The Front Bottoms, Carseat Headrest, Lilith (lilithworldwide), Slaughter Beach Dog, American Football, Modern Baseball, Birdspotter (birdspotterpa), Blind Pilot, and Neutral Milk Hotel.
In addition to contemporary music, I have also recently been exploring the classical: Tchaikovsky, Debussy, Chopin, Liszt, and Satie.
Finally, I've quite recently begun exploring jazz. To date, I've only listented to "Portrait in Jazz" by the Bill Evans Trio.
I have some experience playing the guitar, though I do not know many songs. One song I learned to play recently is "Three Rounds and a Sound" by Blind Pilot.
In addition to guitar, I very recently begun learning the piano. At time of writing, I am very near able to play Satie's "Gymnopedie No. 1" at length.
I tend to stay away from movies, but I enjoy "The Shining" by S. Kubrick.
For as long as I can remember, I have been exceptionally nervous and hesistant when it comes to taking risks.
I enjoy playing with GNU/Linux, especially with terminal commands.
I tend to be easily distracted and to have trouble concentrating.