DaveTLV @Surasanji@qoto.org

mustard chunk.

@ridley

Today on Cryptid Watch.

The Rid

The Rid is a mass of eyebrows and wings, which at first sounds really terrifying. The Rid, however, somehow makes it really quite cute. It is unknown if The Rid has ears, but if they did they'd be cute elfin things. That is an actual fact from your friends at Cryptid Watch.

The Rid lives in the space between hopes and dreams, right down the street from panic and near that nice lake that's murder-fantasy adjacent. Although we've never been invited into The Rid's house, at great personal disappointment to the staff here at Cryptid Watch, we suspect it is very much like a backwards, upsidedown, inside out gator carcass.

Just, you know, with solid wood floors and appropriate plush carpeting and at least one of those sofa pits. The comfy kind.

Much like a shark's teeth, The Rid's eyes are endless. What is really fascinating is that despite their raspberry flavor, they are terrible as breakfast muffins. This is in stark contrast to shark's teeth which DO make for excellent breakfast muffins when properly ground into tooth meal, at least.

Anyways, The Rid is a great Cryptid, and we really enjoy the time they take in the Fediverse.

And because we can't help saying it:

"Here's lookin' at you, Rid~" <3

She just took a little nibble.

My cat is fascinated by my poptart.

@muppetbutler@cryptids.online

Today on Cryptid Watch

The Brooko.

Brooko is the most southern of the Cryptids, except for Antarctic Pete. This is because Antarctic Pete lives on the Diego Ramirez Isles and chooses to be confusingly named.

Brooko is known for her love of animals, cryptid and non-cryptid alike. Her love for animals is second only to her love for goon bags and prawns. She can't help loving goon bags or prawns, though, because she is in Australia, or as it is better known 'The Really, Really, ReEEeeeAAally, Deep South'.

No one has ever seen the Brooko. There are stories of pictures, but most experts agree that those pictures are clever computer generated fakes.

You may wonder how we, at Cryptid Watch were able to find out about The Brooko when no one has ever seen Brooko.

To that we answer thusly: Brooko keeps a mailbox in the Great Barrier Reef that is administered by the underwater postal organization. We have been pen pals for years and think Brooko is fantastic.

I want to do more 'Today on Cryptid Watch' articles.

Boss: Dave, what you up to?

Me: *Rapidly trying to close the Wikipedia articles on all the serial killers I'm curious about* Oh! Work. You know, same old same old, Hahahaha!

Today on Cryptid Watch

@SquidPresident@cryptids.online Squid President.

The Squid President is the benevolent president of the country of Deepwet. Deepwet is in the deepest, wettest part of the ocean. Deepwet experiences up to 23.5% more wet than any other part of the ocean.

As you can imagine, that makes Deepwet the most prized jewel of the ocean, even more so than Dankdeep, Watertown, and Coralopolis.

As a squid of power, Squid President wiles his days smoking underwater cigars, which are very much like regular cigars but can be used with gills instead of lips. If you have lips, you can not use underwater cigars.

Squid President also sometimes wears a suit, only he wears it like a peoples and pretends to teach human children. The slaps of his tentacles to the beat of Huey Lewis & The News' "The Power of Love" echoes forever in the souls of his students. It haunts them. It makes one weep. It makes the other sing.

Some say there is an even more powerful @FirstLadySquid that is the real power behind the tentacle. More research is required to determine the veracity of this rumor.

Today on Cryptid Watch

@Ophillous Sixty-Thousand Bees.

This sentient colony of bees is very nice and sometimes quite shy. They work in some kind of box factory where they have a lot of dusty boxes and not a lot of flowers, which is probably torture for bees.

When not trapped in some kind of cardboard purgatory, Bees live in a coat of human skin they lovingly collected from unsuspecting donors. The donors were from ancient Egypt, flung forward in time by Sixty Thousand Bees' good friend the Desert Yeti. (No relation to the Dessert Yeti.)

Bees understand love better than most animals, and that goes double for a sentient colony of bees. That's right- double love. Very rare and precious.

Should you see Sixty-Thousand Bees in the wild, please leave them some delicious flower nectar, or a fat joint. Both of these involve flowers and will please the bees.

I think I'm going to do Cryptid Watch more often. It'll be a thing where I make up stuff about my favorite cryptids.

I mean, it'll be a thing where I put forward painstakingly researched research that is absolutely not made up and is definitely facts. Exceedingly factual facts that could never have been made up.