Jose Santiago @slider7420@qoto.org
- https://www.instagram.com/slider7420/
Former biologist, current Information Security Engineer, wannabe amature #Movie and #Television Pundit. I post mostly about the latter. I enjoy #BuffyTheVampireSlayer more than and adult hetero male is supposed to. I play video games poorly. Lifelong #MiamiDolphins fan. I struggle with #depression and it keeps me from doing many things I'd like to do. #Godzilla fan. Get ready for pictures of my #dogs. Twitter migrator, twitter handle is @themcluster. My bio is evolving.
Joined Nov 2022
Jose Santiago
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A nun walks into the Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh, heavy with frustration.
“What troubles you, Sister?” asked the Mother Superior. “I thought this was the day you spent with your family.”
“It was,” sighed the Sister. “And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.”
“I seem to recall that,” the Mother Superior agreed. “So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?”
“Far from it,” snorted the Sister. “In fact, I took the Lord’s name in vain today!”
“Goodness, Sister!” gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. “You must tell me all about it!”
“Well, we were on the fifth tee — and this hole is a monster, Mother — 540 yard par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green … and I hit the drive of my life. The sweetest swing I’ve ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted … and it hits a bird in mid-flight!”
“Oh my!” commiserated the Mother Superior. “How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!”
“No, that wasn’t it,” admitted the Sister. “While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!”
“Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!” sympathized the Mother Superior.
“But I didn’t, Mother!” sobbed the Sister. “And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!”
“So that’s when you cursed,” said the Mother Superior with a knowing smile.
“Nope, that wasn’t it either,” cried the Sister, anguished, “because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!”
The Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said …
“You missed the f—ing putt, didn’t you?” 😡😆😆 #humor
How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_____________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
___________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
__________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
___________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
__________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
____________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Jose Santiago
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It's now 712 days since Donald Trump's Jan 6 terrorist attack. Not only has Trump not been charged with even one crime, he's now running for President where he's actively spewing more lies to delegitimize our democracy. Long past Time to INDICT TRUMP! #Jan6Committee
Jose Santiago
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Imagine being so overtly authoritarian that even the Saudis tell you to stand down.
I'm rewatching the 1989 film #GreatExpectations. Thirty-three years on and I still love this #movie. I will never understand why it did so poorly with the critics.
STRIP SACK!!!! #MiamiDolphins
Jose Santiago
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@slider7420 @TheWubster @raumdeuter @CoachTim @FloatLife @jon @ian693 @CuriousRph @blueape @KCN Woohoo! Got it! Nice TD
#BOOM! #MiamiDolphins take the lead!
Jose Santiago
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@slider7420 @raumdeuter @CoachTim @FloatLife @jon @ian693 @CuriousRph @Steph @blueape @KCN We just got a huge break. Lets make something happen!
WE NEED A BIG STOP BOYS! #LETSGO!!!
#MiamiDolphins
PhinsUp
Jose Santiago
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@Steph @raumdeuter @DanielCha @CoachTim @jon @CuriousRph @blueape @slider7420 @KCN @ian693 Mosert is carrying the first quarter.
#Rufus is sleeping the sleep of the innocent.
Well shit. The #Vikings Clinch the division with THE LARGEST COMEBACK in the history of the NFL. This is what I get for talking shit. How do you blow a 33 point lead in the 4th quarter???
I loved #ManOfSteel and I am sorry to see #HenryCavill leave the roll of #Superman. But seeing all the public outcry lamenting his departure makes me want to ask people one question - Where the hell were you when Man Of Steel was in Theaters??? With a production budget of $255 million the film only made $291 million domestically. That does not even cover the cost of production and marketing! Where was all this support when he needed it?
- https://www.instagram.com/slider7420/
Former biologist, current Information Security Engineer, wannabe amature #Movie and #Television Pundit. I post mostly about the latter. I enjoy #BuffyTheVampireSlayer more than and adult hetero male is supposed to. I play video games poorly. Lifelong #MiamiDolphins fan. I struggle with #depression and it keeps me from doing many things I'd like to do. #Godzilla fan. Get ready for pictures of my #dogs. Twitter migrator, twitter handle is @themcluster. My bio is evolving.
Joined Nov 2022
